Kindness is Contagious

 Being kind can be quite contagious, its like a smile or a frown. Once you see it, well it changes you. The change might not be all day, week, month, but for that one moment it is all there is. 

Your day does not start the way you want, you oversleep, the car won't start, the people in your life are arguing. This is when it takes the most. This is when YOUR choice matters. You can choose to let a bad start or a bad day be your day or YOU can choose to shrug it off and make the day better. You can choose to be kind to those who aren't. You can choose to offer that smile that will make someone smile back. They don't just smile back because you smiled, they smile back because you choose to see them as a person and they smile back to acknowledge that. Your smile might be the bright spot in someone's day. Your kindness will be contagious and they will be kind in turn. 

We all like to think that one small action does not make a difference but we are all WRONG. Every small action has a reaction, good or bad. That reaction is based upon YOUR choice. 

Every person on this earth hold so much power that it is scary. All of us should strive to live a life of kindness. 

My life is not perfect, far from it actually, however I choose everyday what is allowed in my life. I choose to live my life with commonsense, humor, kindness and the knowledge that it is always MY choice. 

Do you know what's wrong with the world?

       It's sad that we have to find a scapegoat for our problems. #EllenDeGeneres says the same phrase everyday, she says,"Be Kind to One Another", so why aren't we listening? Why is this so hard for us to do? 

      If you speak unkindly that is on you, not the person next to you or in front of you or behind you, it is all on you, that is your         choice. If children speak unkindly or act unkind then they have not been taught better by their parents. They can still be taught kindness by others. Each and every person in this world has a choice on how they speak to others, how they treat others and how they teach others. That is no one else's choice. Own your choices, you made them. Blaming your choice on others is like blaming the fork for your weight. That doesn't make any sense does it?

     Our media exacerbates and perpetuates division in our society. They bring our race, gender, sexual orientation, religious beliefs, education and social status in to the news, into our lives and we as a whole feed on it, buy into it and make decisions about it. I have friends. I do not separate them into categories. I do not know them by race, sexual orientation, religion, education or social status. I know them by their name and by their heart. This is what matters, this is the only thing that is important. 

    We need to make the choice to make this a better world and in order to begin we need to stop playing the blame game. We need to own our choices. We need to individually start deciding for ourselves and live that choice. Blaming others will solve nothing. We have been doing that already and we are still in the same place. 

    Life is always about choice. Kindness cost's nothing, a smile cost's nothing, yet they bring so much and should be effortless. If we all start to give then we can all start to live in a better world. 

    I have to apologize to Ellen DeGeneres as I once again am going to quote her phrase because it is the perfect way to end this and begin a new, "Be Kind to One Another".

Helpful knowledge

Ok so this is still about choice but it is also about offering some help.

First I have to say, I AM NOT AN ATTORNEY and THIS IS NOT LEGAL ADVISE
That said though there are some things that you can do to help yourself if you find yourself in a situation.
First and foremost know that, just because you feel its right or wrong does not make it the law. That is a valuable lesson to learn from the beginning. Any attorney or judge that you might have to deal with for one reason or another are confined to the parameters of the law. Moral and ethical are not the law either. Also everyone will always feel like they are right or have been wronged however they will not always win.

If you find yourself in a custody situation there are a few things that you can do to help yourself:
1. Try and work with the other parent, remember it took both of you to create your child or children and they will be much better off it their mom and dad can get along so put aside your hurt and anger and put them first.
2. I know it is not always possible to work with the other parent whether it be criminal issues, domestic issues, ect., do the best you can. Do not bad mouth the other parent, you would be hurt and upset if you found out they were bad mouthing you in front of the child(ren).
3. Keep a journal, write down if a visit happened, did not happen, why it did not happen, they were late or early, if they dropped off to you early. Be proactive and take the few minutes to write it down with the date and a time.
4. Do not be petty, they are not going to be perfect and neither are you so don't forget that.
5. If you truly believe there is danger than stand up and say something be proactive, however you do not want to cry wolf all the time.
6. If you do believe there is danger for your child, get proof. The "well so and so said they saw him/her here, or I have heard they are using or are in trouble with the law. You will need proof. You can go to most court houses and in the clerk's office or a viewing room look up the person's name and see if there is anything there. If there is write the file number down, ask to view the file or pay to have a copy of the file. Most records are public. If someone told you information are they willing to testify in court, if they aren't then it is just heresay.
7. DO NOT talk to the child(ren) about the adult issues. They already know there is a problem they don't need to hear you and they do not need that much information. They also do not need to feel as if they need to make a choice.
8. Sometimes you need to just agree to disagree.
9. You can not withhold visitation if the other parent is in arrears for child support. If you withhold the visits for that reason alone and the other parent has had enough they can file a show cause motion and you could find yourself being the one in trouble.
  10. Never use the child(ren) as a pawn or a means of control. So things did not work out that is not your child(ren)(s) fault so do not make it their issue.
11. There is "Best Interest of the Children" which in most states is 13 factors although a few other states have 14 that are looked at by the Friend of the Court and the Court when deciding custody. You of course can google Best Interest Factors for child custody and you can even put in your state.
12. Always read what you are signing and make sure you completely understand what you are agreeing to.

Again, I AM NOT AN ATTORNEY, THIS IS NOT LEGAL ADVICE. This is just some helpful information. Remember knowledge is power and your child(ren) should come first.

Change

I started this blog to remind myself and anyone else out in the vast world wide web and even the world that we have choice. I have a choice, you have a choice and together some of our choices bring change. I will not say that every change is for the better, however it reinforces the lesson that choice can bring change.

For instance, I believe in things you can not see, heaven, God, love, astrology, psychics, and that there is still really great people in this world. I believe not all struggle is to punish something we have done. I believe the struggle is an opportunity for growth and change. You made a choice or several to bring you to the point of struggle. You make the choice on how long it will take you to learn the lesson and to no longer struggle. Anyway there is an astrologer/psychic named Maria Shaw-Lawson and she was telling people on her facebook page that today you should manifest, set your intentions not just for thirty (30) days but for the year. So I thought, it won't hurt and I wrote my wishes, set my beliefs and made a game plan. I have been feeling lost, unsure what I was doing and by me making the choice to simply make a wish and write it all down some how changed my outlook.
I know not everyone has the same beliefs and I love that. I love that those choices can bring on thousands of conversations. That each conversation can open to a new conversation, new view, a new alliance. The power of conversation is undeniable.

Its not to late so I will add one more wish to my list. I wish to one day meet Ellen DeGeneres and tell her Thank you. I would thank her for being who she is, for the choices she has made, the struggles that she has endured and still remained from what is shown to the world a compassionate, smart, hilarious human being.

I am grateful everyday for remembering that I have choice. So the next time you are down, sad, frustrated, happy, joyful, appreciative, remember all of it came because of choice.

Remember you can change the world, one choice at a time.

Special Gift

Everyone is different, everyone is unique but not everyone is a leader, nor is everyone a follower.

I often wonder why so many people try and hide who they are not just from the world but from themselves.

Each one of us has something special to offer the world and I wonder why each one of us doesn't. Are we worried that no one else will think it is special enough? Are we just to selfish, or that self involved or dependent on to many others to know what our special gift is?

Your gift does not have to overwhelm the people around you or the world in which we live to be important. Your gift could be having a kind face, a smile, a great ear for listening or arms for hugging. Your gift could be the intelligence to solve major problems or be a great team player. Your gift could be witty conversation or a sense of humor that is infectious. Your gift could be your work, your home or your family. Your gift could be complaining or assertiveness and yes those are gifts.

My point to all of this, you have a gift to share with this world and no it may never be on a global scale, however there are people in this world that would be grateful for your gift so share it. Don't be afraid of who you are, where you are at in your life or the pressure of the people around you. Be you and be happy that you are well you.

Let your light shine because sometimes its the only way to help not only yourself but the people around you find their way.

Sometimes the float is necessary

Have you ever been on a canoe trip? You go out with a group of friends or family. There are jokes, laughter and hopes for a great day. So you set out in your respective canoe's and you start the journey. Now everyone has to start out at a different time so you are all spread out. Some where along the way the fun of the journey starts to get lost. You feel as if the group is to far out in front and you start to paddle to catch up. While you lose focus on the fun and the scenery you begin to stress about catching up. You get an over whelming urgency to not be the last ones and the joy begins to fade. The journey now is no longer fun its about catching up. Then you catch up and you find yourself in a canoe jam because everyone is all bunched up. Now you are back paddling so you don't tip the canoe or tip someone else's canoe. You see the looks on some of the other people's face's, you see the stress, you see the frustration and you start to wonder why you took this trip in the first place. Then you remember, you needed to float. Sometimes you need to put your paddle across your legs and float. Float on the river, listen to the laughter and know that you don't need to be in the traffic jam. You can enjoy the trip for what it is or what it was supposed to be, a good time. 

This canoe trip is like life. We start out with great intentions and let circumstances get the best of us. We start to paddle, we focus on the destination and not the journey. Next time you start to see the jam put your paddle in your lap and float. You are not lost, you won't get left behind. There is time to enjoy, there is time to work, and sometimes you just need to float.

Venting

I found myself in the situation where I needed to vent today. I don't need someone to tell me my problem and/or how to fix it. I already know what the problem is and what I can do to fix it I am just not ready to make that choice. I just wanted to vent.

I was then reminded of one of the key differences between men and women. See when a woman vents they are just looking for someone to listen. So normally that is why they vent to other women. When you vent to a man (god love them) they want to fix the problem, or tell you how to fix the problem. When you are in a committed relationship at some point if you do not vent to your partner they get upset and are hurt because they feel as if you are keeping things from them. Truth is sometimes the problem is them and how can you vent to them about them. Or sometimes you know even if its not about them in the end it will become about them, or it will become an argument. Why would you want an argument when you are already so ticked off that you need to vent in the first place?

I don't know about any of you that are reading this but I don't hold on to anger. Holding on to the anger will serve no greater good in my life, so I vent and move on.