I keep trying to figure out why when people get into a relationship that they try to take on their partners likes and dislikes. The person your with fell for you for well, who you are. The person that first sat across from them when they met you. It is good to have differences. Don't get me wrong it is necessary to have some similarities but a relationship needs those differences. You need to be able to continue to be who you are and not what you think your partner wants you to be.
Your job in a relationship is never about changing the person you are with. Your job is to bring out the best in the person you are with. You can't change them, and if you want to change them you are not in the right relationship. You can only change you. You can only change how you react to people.
So many people end relationships because they feel smothered. Why do they feel smothered, because you changed who you are. You changed your job. You are trying to change them. STOP!!!!
One of the most important things in a relationship is being able to walk that fine line between being a part of a couple and remaining who you are. You have to feel secure enough in who you are and do things both together and apart.
No one wants to have someone at their heels 24/7. That may be how it is in the beginning but that is not how it will always be. I know as a women when it hits that point at first in the relationship you start to wonder is everything ok? Stop worrying. Worry when it doesn't get to that point.
Everyone needs that time to be on their own, doing their own thing, being with their friends. Those times let them recharge. Those times let them not feel smothered. Those times apart help strengthen the relationship you are in.
I know, how can you be together if you are apart? You are not apart all the time, you are finding balance. You can be the greatest person in the world but if you don't let yourself or your partner be who they are, enjoy the things that they enjoy or spend time with people away from you, they are going to choose to leave for good with out you. Then you will sit back and wonder why. You will replay your whole relationship and pick out all the wonderful things that you have done, all the things you have given up, and still wonder why, still wonder how. During your self reflection you will have found your answer. You won't recognize the answer because you don't want to. Your answer lies in the part of all the things you have given up. You gave up on who you are. You changed who you are and your job in the relationship. I know it sucks to see that. I also know it sucks to admit it but that is the truth. If you can't see it then think about this. Sometimes the why doesn't matter. It is what it is, you can't worry about the why and just move on.
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Question, when texting everyone understands that if the text is in capital letters, the other person means business/angry. So what would the best way be to have sarcasm understood?
Communication is very important but when you are sending a text, or email or any other form of communication the emotion is lost. The person on the other end doesn't get to see if you really mean what you are saying or if your being sarcastic or trying to be funny and just failing miserable. With out them knowing what you are trying to express you could get yourself in to a lot of trouble. So save the important conversations for face to face or in today's day video chats lol
I bring all this up because I often hear people say, " How was I supposed to know if you don't tell me?" They have a valid point. Unfortunately we are not mind readers yet. So why do people feel horrible about asking for what they want, what they need, or for help. We feel horrible because when we ask, people draw conclusions and stop listening. Yet if we don't ask no one knows. So don't be afraid to ask, don't be afraid to say you need something. Life will get easier if you do.
On this note I want to address something that bothers me in this hypocritical society. If a women says what she wants, states what she expects (especially in a relationship), states her beliefs and what she will and won't tolerate she is considered to be a bitch. Ok if she doesn't tell you, how will you know. Then there is the built in excuse, you never told me. So let's lay off the excuses and be happy that a women tells you up front what she wants and leaves the decision to you on whether you are up for being in a relationship with her or not. She is just giving you a CHOICE. So try not to be offended, be proud that you are with someone who know's what they like, know's what they want and is willing to be adult enough to tell you. For all that is holy in the world stop with the bitch word. When a man speaks those things he is considered strong, driven and a whole list of positive adjectives.
Basically, I am really just trying to say that being open and upfront about what you want, need and expect will serve you better in the long run with any relationship.
Communication is very important but when you are sending a text, or email or any other form of communication the emotion is lost. The person on the other end doesn't get to see if you really mean what you are saying or if your being sarcastic or trying to be funny and just failing miserable. With out them knowing what you are trying to express you could get yourself in to a lot of trouble. So save the important conversations for face to face or in today's day video chats lol
I bring all this up because I often hear people say, " How was I supposed to know if you don't tell me?" They have a valid point. Unfortunately we are not mind readers yet. So why do people feel horrible about asking for what they want, what they need, or for help. We feel horrible because when we ask, people draw conclusions and stop listening. Yet if we don't ask no one knows. So don't be afraid to ask, don't be afraid to say you need something. Life will get easier if you do.
On this note I want to address something that bothers me in this hypocritical society. If a women says what she wants, states what she expects (especially in a relationship), states her beliefs and what she will and won't tolerate she is considered to be a bitch. Ok if she doesn't tell you, how will you know. Then there is the built in excuse, you never told me. So let's lay off the excuses and be happy that a women tells you up front what she wants and leaves the decision to you on whether you are up for being in a relationship with her or not. She is just giving you a CHOICE. So try not to be offended, be proud that you are with someone who know's what they like, know's what they want and is willing to be adult enough to tell you. For all that is holy in the world stop with the bitch word. When a man speaks those things he is considered strong, driven and a whole list of positive adjectives.
Basically, I am really just trying to say that being open and upfront about what you want, need and expect will serve you better in the long run with any relationship.
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Have you ever run into a situation where you really start to wonder if someone you care about has lost their damn mind? Well I am in that place. I keep going over things in my head and I just can't seem to understand what the hell they think they are doing and then it dawns on me that THEY AREN'T THINKING!!!
You look at their choices and wonder why would you choose that? Yes I am coming back to CHOICE. That is what it is all about. Right now I am debating my choices. Do I say to the person that I care about, WAKE UP, quit choosing to waste, quit choosing the path that will lead you no where; or do I choose to sit back let them make the choices that they want and then listen to them choose to ask me later why I let them choose that path.
Which brings up another very valid point, OWN YOUR CHOICES! If you choose poorly you will eventually see it, feel the pain of those choices but don't look to shift the responsibility on to someone that cares about you and ask them why they didn't say anything. If you choose wisely you will reap the rewards. I have never heard someone say, I choose wisely, my life is great and its all your fault. It is so easy to blame when things go wrong.
I have to believe that some where out in this world filled with people who consciously and unconsciously make choices everyday understand what I am saying. I speak to people and sometimes they look at me as if I am speaking another langue, this can not be that hard to understand.
Now I know that there are some situations that exist in this world where choice was taken from you, where responsibility lies somewhere else and with someone else, however you have the choice on how to react. You have the choice to turn it around, make something better of it.
I was in a car accident 20 years ago, I know long time but I suffered a closed head injury. I spent eight months in an out patient brain injury clinic trying to get some of my functions back. I had a choice I could listen to the doctors who said I would be lucky to ever get back to where I was (which at the time I was 19 years old) or I could choose to do more. I could choose that I was worth the effort and I have something to offer. There are people that work with closed head injury patients that talk to me and are amazed and ask lots of questions. That just tells me I chose right. I am worth the work, the effort and I am enough.
Ok so my choice now is to start blogging on a more regular basis. If you have questions, comments, or something you would like to just get someone else's opinion on let me know.
Thanks for reading
Remember, Choose to smile, choose to be happy!
You look at their choices and wonder why would you choose that? Yes I am coming back to CHOICE. That is what it is all about. Right now I am debating my choices. Do I say to the person that I care about, WAKE UP, quit choosing to waste, quit choosing the path that will lead you no where; or do I choose to sit back let them make the choices that they want and then listen to them choose to ask me later why I let them choose that path.
Which brings up another very valid point, OWN YOUR CHOICES! If you choose poorly you will eventually see it, feel the pain of those choices but don't look to shift the responsibility on to someone that cares about you and ask them why they didn't say anything. If you choose wisely you will reap the rewards. I have never heard someone say, I choose wisely, my life is great and its all your fault. It is so easy to blame when things go wrong.
I have to believe that some where out in this world filled with people who consciously and unconsciously make choices everyday understand what I am saying. I speak to people and sometimes they look at me as if I am speaking another langue, this can not be that hard to understand.
Now I know that there are some situations that exist in this world where choice was taken from you, where responsibility lies somewhere else and with someone else, however you have the choice on how to react. You have the choice to turn it around, make something better of it.
I was in a car accident 20 years ago, I know long time but I suffered a closed head injury. I spent eight months in an out patient brain injury clinic trying to get some of my functions back. I had a choice I could listen to the doctors who said I would be lucky to ever get back to where I was (which at the time I was 19 years old) or I could choose to do more. I could choose that I was worth the effort and I have something to offer. There are people that work with closed head injury patients that talk to me and are amazed and ask lots of questions. That just tells me I chose right. I am worth the work, the effort and I am enough.
Ok so my choice now is to start blogging on a more regular basis. If you have questions, comments, or something you would like to just get someone else's opinion on let me know.
Thanks for reading
Remember, Choose to smile, choose to be happy!
Thursday, August 8, 2013
IT IS ABOUT CHOICE
Everyday things happen and we don't understand why. Sometimes the why isn't what is important. It took me a long time to realize this when things would happen in my life and like most people I always try and figure out the why. To be honest it is more about the how.
I often to my friends and family say little quips like "Don't let 5 seconds of courage ruin the rest of your life." or "It's a choice." Well that last one changed everything. Most people ask why instead of how because they haven't yet understood that the why is because of the how and the how is because of the Choice.
I love my family dearly and sometimes I go a little overboard with that and my little tidbits of helpfulness. However, I came to realize when I finally Woke Up and understood that I am here doing exactly what I am doing because I choose to.
If you are not happy with your life, you have a choice. If you don't like where you are, you have a choice. I know it is easy to sit and make excuses and stay where you are unhappy or where you feel like you can't get out, but you can its your choice.
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