Sometimes the float is necessary

Have you ever been on a canoe trip? You go out with a group of friends or family. There are jokes, laughter and hopes for a great day. So you set out in your respective canoe's and you start the journey. Now everyone has to start out at a different time so you are all spread out. Some where along the way the fun of the journey starts to get lost. You feel as if the group is to far out in front and you start to paddle to catch up. While you lose focus on the fun and the scenery you begin to stress about catching up. You get an over whelming urgency to not be the last ones and the joy begins to fade. The journey now is no longer fun its about catching up. Then you catch up and you find yourself in a canoe jam because everyone is all bunched up. Now you are back paddling so you don't tip the canoe or tip someone else's canoe. You see the looks on some of the other people's face's, you see the stress, you see the frustration and you start to wonder why you took this trip in the first place. Then you remember, you needed to float. Sometimes you need to put your paddle across your legs and float. Float on the river, listen to the laughter and know that you don't need to be in the traffic jam. You can enjoy the trip for what it is or what it was supposed to be, a good time. 

This canoe trip is like life. We start out with great intentions and let circumstances get the best of us. We start to paddle, we focus on the destination and not the journey. Next time you start to see the jam put your paddle in your lap and float. You are not lost, you won't get left behind. There is time to enjoy, there is time to work, and sometimes you just need to float.

Venting

I found myself in the situation where I needed to vent today. I don't need someone to tell me my problem and/or how to fix it. I already know what the problem is and what I can do to fix it I am just not ready to make that choice. I just wanted to vent.

I was then reminded of one of the key differences between men and women. See when a woman vents they are just looking for someone to listen. So normally that is why they vent to other women. When you vent to a man (god love them) they want to fix the problem, or tell you how to fix the problem. When you are in a committed relationship at some point if you do not vent to your partner they get upset and are hurt because they feel as if you are keeping things from them. Truth is sometimes the problem is them and how can you vent to them about them. Or sometimes you know even if its not about them in the end it will become about them, or it will become an argument. Why would you want an argument when you are already so ticked off that you need to vent in the first place?

I don't know about any of you that are reading this but I don't hold on to anger. Holding on to the anger will serve no greater good in my life, so I vent and move on.

Doesn't matter

Ok so I admitted my failure earlier today and I would like to add an apology. See although I own and admitted to my failure I did not apologize for it, so here goes. I am truly sorry for failing to show you the way you should be treated. I am sorry for failing to be the best role model I could be for you.
Above all else, I love you and I am truly sorry that I have failed you.

So in owning and now apologizing for my failure I guess I deserve the sting of hurt after reading a post. See the post stated I don't care what anyone else thinks. I also read another that said something along the lines of trying to break us up and failing followed with an LOL. Well I have to be honest that stung, a lot. I have felt the hurt and I have received the message loud and clear.. Besides why would my opinion mean anything. I in every technical, legal stance am nothing to you. It does not matter how long I have been in your life, or how long I will continue to be. It does not matter that I will always look at you as my own. I will always call you my own. It does not matter that until I take my last breath I will and have always loved you and could never stop nor would I want to stop loving you. So I guess it also does not matter that my opinion means less to you than your mj.

If you want to be with him then do it. If he truly makes you happy than be with him. Just remember they all made you truly happy in the beginning. We convince ourselves so easily with the euphoria of something new of how this is the best thing ever. So just because I don't agree with something or believe that you deserve more it never means that I don't love you.

Epic Fail

Ok, so today I must say that I have failed. You see as a woman, a mother, a friend and human being we are here to learn, teach and grow. Some how I failed one of my children. I thought I taught them that no one should be there everything.

I am not saying that when you are in a relationship that it should not hold a significant place in your life, your decisions and your opportunity for growth but it should never be your everything. See when you say it is your everything than you are saying you are nothing with out it. If you feel you are nothing with out this relationship or this person then you shouldn't be in a relationship because you don't know yourself enough. NO ONE should be the be all, end all in your life with one exception... You.

When you place some one else as your everything then you lose YOU! You make decisions based on what someone else wants, what someone else likes and you lose yourself to them.

It is a scary place to wake up from one day. You have lost yourself, your dreams, you have given up on your happiness. You gave up on you. You now let someone else's happiness, dreams, goals and voice become what you use as a guide.

When you stop caring what other's think or feel about your everything then there is a problem. If you are trying to convince yourself that you don't care how all the people who have been there, in your life all the time feel about this then RED FLAGS have been raised.

I do not begrudge any of my children happiness but how am I supposed to believe the happiness is true and genuine when they lost their own voice? They lost their own voice because it doesn't match what their everything says it should be.

Conflict

I find myself facing a new dilemma. As a parent you long to see your children happy, but what happens when you see that happiness but aren't happy with the why they are happy or with the whom.

I know as a responsible parent you say it shouldn't matter. Your child is happy so you should just be happy for them. Then the nagging loud voice keeps screaming in your head that this is a huge mistake and the happiness will soon be followed by heartache and tears and you would never want the words, "I told you so" to escape your lips as you try and comfort them.  There in lies the conflict.

I find myself asking the question of how I can convey a genuine heartfelt I am happy for you when, well you are not. So I think I figured it out. I just need to break it down. Look at what is the most important right now. Right now I am genuinely happy for my child's happiness. I can easily and honestly convey that. The rest of the situation can not matter right now. When the heartache and the tears come, I then can just comfort and help show them the way to new happiness. There is and never will be any satisfaction  in the "I told you so." If by chance the words slip from your mouth and it doesn't even have to be those exact words people know what you mean. Own your words and apologize for any hurt that they cause. They will cause hurt.