Bad Parent?????

Thank god I never received the memo that telling your child not to do drugs is being a bad parent. Also if your child is using since when is it hindering their growth to say if you choose to do drugs you can't be around? Last I knew that was tough love.

I am all for allowing your child to make their own decisions good or bad, however as a parent how can you in good conscious think that allowing your child to use and not say anything can be taken as not allowing them to grow as a person and one day wake up and say well that was a stupid choice.

There is a difference between making wrong choices that will one day be recognized by them as stupid and choices that can lead to other things that they might not wake up from or be completely trapped by.

If you judge me for that and that makes me a bad parent then I will gladly take being a bad parent. I will be a bad parent for wanting something better for my children. I will be a bad parent for telling them that using is not acceptable. I will be a bad parent for loving my child so much that I will speak up.

You want to call people bad parents and say they are hindering their children's growth as an adult because they wont accept using or are unwilling to accept bad people in their lives. That those "bad parents" should take a step back and let their children make their choices good and bad. That is a wonderful piece of advice, however if you are someone who will only offer your child help that is conditional of them doing what you wish such as coming back home, or the promise to come back home then aren't YOU really the one that is not willing to step back and let your child make their own choices good or bad, smart or stupid. Love is not conditional. Help for your child should not be conditional. No matter what my children's choices are, my love for them is unconditional. There is a difference. If you know your child is already in a bad way from the choices that you have stood by and allowed them to make already, do you really think your added pressure to conform to what you want them to do to get your help is beneficial for them? They are already suffering, they are already feeling the pressure, feeling trapped and you think nothing of adding more because that is what you want, not what they want or the choice they make. You are forcing them to choose what you want. Lastly, you are willing to put all this pressure and conditions on them but you won't say anything about them using and look at it a growing experience that should just be allowed, really?

So, if loving my child unconditionally, being there for them always, good and bad decisions, helping when I can, speaking up on the matter of drugs, speaking up on the choices they are making (but still allowing them to make), listening to them and recognizing they are an adult, wanting the best for them then I will gladly bear the title as Bad Parent.

What is the true cost?

Everyday we are reminded of the cost of life, but have you really ever stopped and took in the actual thought of cost? I mean we all look at cost as money but with our choices there is a much greater cost.

The people we choose to have in our lives for instance. Everyone of those people come with a cost. The cost of investing in them, the cost of choosing to keep them in your life. Sometimes we don't even realize the cost until its to late.

Take for instance a significant other. By choosing them you could be costing yourself, your family and your friends, sometimes even your future. That seems like a pretty high price to pay. The problem is you never really see the cost on your relationships until its over and you have no one around you anymore.

I know we as individuals can all be stubborn and relentless in pursuing what at the time makes us happy, but if someone is costing you so much don't you think you owe it to yourself to ask why this person's cost is so much greater than the others.

Now if you are really digging your heels in then you are saying to yourself because they are worth more. Well let me remind you of something, No one is worth more than someone else. We complain that everyone in today's society feels entitled, feels they should have more and do less. If your honest you know that you have done it and you have also complained when you have seen it being done. So make the choice and stop.

Your friends and family want nothing more in the world then to see you happy, with a life full of great things. Stop thinking that they are trying to deny you happiness. They are on the outside looking in and they see things that your blinders won't. They see through the lies, the bullshit and the excuses. They know who you really are and they hate watching you be someone that your not so that you can cover the cost of having someone in your life.

Remember nothing is this world is free. There will always be a cost (choice). Be mindful of how much you are willing to pay.

Slow motion car wreck with pretty colors

I know I talk about choices and how you should own them, well I am going to own this all the way.

I am so pissed off right now, because I am on the outside looking in and I feel like I am watching a car accident in slow motion with someone's life that is very important to me. I hate feeling and knowing that I am right. I can not understand how in this day and age people can still be so stupid. How we can simply keep over looking all the bullshit, how we can keep making excuses for people who don't give two shits about you in the end. I say that with conviction because if they gave a shit then you wouldn't have to make excuses for their short comings.

I love how you have this picture in your head of how you really want to see things, you know the perfect bubble where all of lies and bullshit don't enter. You just see the object of your affection all clean and pristine when in reality if you would just take a damp cloth with a little bit of soap on it and in some cases put some elbow grease into it you would wipe that persons face with a clean rag and reveal the filth they are really covered in.

I don't understand how we think that by adding pretty colors to a picture its going to change the foundation of it. You can use all the colors in the big box of crayola's and guess what you will just have a more colorful shitty picture. Your colors will never change it.

Also if you start hiding your life with that person from the people that love you then guess what, you already know in your heart that they see something you just don't want to admit.

I am also so sick of hearing, but this time its different, or I have never felt this way, or no one has every understood me the way he/she does. Guess what you have said that about every fricken person you have ever dated, every one of them. Of course its going to feel different, you are with a different person. Of course they understand you because you are only showing them what they want to see. Get over yourself.

You know what else pisses me off, the fact that some people in your life (you will automatically think of at least one) that never tell you the whole truth. You only hear what they want to tell you, what will make them get what they want, whether it is attention, money or sympathy. I would be more obliged to give you those things if you were just honest about the whole situation not just part of it.  I think part of the reason they do it is because they don't or can't take responsibility for their choices and that is how they are in the mess that they are in.

Today, take your blinders off, think with your brain and stand up.

It is so sad that there are so many emotions to feel yet one of the easiest to display is anger.

Facing people or situations can be difficult especially when they are people you care about, people that are important to you. So many times when things don't go the way we want or hope we instantly go to anger. If we just stopped ourselves for a moment and asked a simple question then the situation could honestly be dealt with. The next time someone doesn't react the way you hope or want, ask yourself this, "Am I angry or am I hurt?" More often then not the truth is you are hurt and you don't know how to express the hurt that you feel. So because we are human we go for the easiest of emotions, anger.
That anger though won't solve the problem, it won't fix the hurt. As bad as this may sound, if you are on the fence of deciding between if you are angry or if you are hurt ask yourself this, " If this person died tonight, or tomorrow would I be angry at them for this (whatever the situation is)? Most likely if you are honest with yourself, you wouldn't be.

When you feel hurt, take a minute to gather your thoughts, put yourself in a time out, whatever you need to do so that you can honestly express what you feel.  Look at the person and just say, "When you just did that (whatever it was they did) it hurts my feelings. Only then can communication be open to deal with it.

Men and women argue all the time, why because no one can be honest enough with themselves to say what they truly feel, what they really mean. We mask it all with anger. Masking the issue with anger is like sweeping something under the rug. Well that rug eventually is not going to lie flat on the floor anymore, then it will start to smell. When it starts to smell and there is a huge pile of crap laying under it no one wants to touch it because it has become overwhelming and they don't know where to start. Some will leave the rug where it lies and either walk away or get a new rug. Some will dig down and start little by little to clean it up. Point is if you make the choice to be honest with yourself and the important people in your life about how you each feel in situations you will never have a smelly dirty lump of a rug on your floor.

"You have to understand that I have the choice to have you in my life and you have the choice to accept my choice or reject it." N. Kelley

My worth will never be based on your opinion of me. If only all of us could get to that point, I believe life would be easier.

I have had the opportunity to ponder a situation that was brought to me and I feel it is worth sharing. I hope that if you read this and find yourself in this position that it helps.

You are in a relationship. You are unhappy. You believe you deserve better, however you have chosen to stay where you are unhappy. Where you feel you are taken for granted. Where your self esteem has become so low that you feel you no one else would want you. You feel lost, hopeless and worthless. Then magically someone comes along and says the right things. They build you up. They raise your self esteem. They remind you that you are worth more. You are overwhelmed and unsure whether to believe them. You take the leap of faith and you start believing. You start believing all the wonderful things they tell you. You stat to realize that you deserve more. You deserve happiness. You start getting stronger. You start sharing your voice. You start making choices. You decide if the person I am with can not make me happy and treat me the way I now feel I deserve to be treated I will leave. Then you start thinking I will be with the person that built me up. The one that reminded you of you and what you deserve.

I do not believe that the person that helped you see, admit and built you up is who you are supposed to run to. I know it is hard because you started to have feelings for them. How could you not? I believe the person that helped you did only what they were supposed to. They were supposed to remind you.
If you run to them, you are still relying on someone else to tell you what you are worth.

When you get out of an unhappy relationship you need to be on your own. You need to be comfortable with you. You need to be able to sit by yourself and not feel lonely.

Be who you are. It takes two to make a relationship and two to break a relationship. Fault and blame serve no one, nor will it allow you to grow. You have to recognize your part. You have to own your part, learn from them and then move on. If you don't you will eventually find yourself back in a relationship that in the beginning will be amazing and then soon you will be unhappy and someone else will have to come in and remind you. Break the cycle. Find the happiness that you want and deserve.

You can do this. We so easily find positives in everyone else but not our selves.
Stop believing that asking for what you want is a horrible crime. It is not. The true crime and horrible punishment is from not speaking up. Use your voice.

So over the holiday weekend I unfortunately found myself in the grocery store. As I am walking along I see this woman decked out in a white skirt and shirt. Then I noticed the black thong. Either she did not know that you could see through the skirt or she just didn't care. Which made me wonder, why. I started to wonder if she had looked at herself in the mirror before she left, or why hadn't the man that was with her let her know. I mean that is something you should really tell your significant other. Even if you enjoy seeing all she has to offer, why would you allow others to see her that way?
I often complain that I find people very caddy. People are very mean about other people and women are the worst. I mean women will point out every flaw that they see when you walk by. Admit it, you have it down to a science, you can do it in 10 seconds or less.  Mind you they won't say any of it to your face but they are counting your flaws. We need to stop. I have consciously  been trying to not do that and I wasn't being caddy about the woman in the grocery store I actually felt bad, because what if she didn't know.
As a woman, and as many of you readers probably know this, we are worse on ourselves then you could ever dream of being to us. I know every lump, bump and flaw that my body has. I do not need someone else pointing them out even if it is to yourself.
We as women do this, as sadly as it seems, to make ourselves feel better about our body. If we find a flaw in another woman that we might not have, or might not be as pronounced we suddenly feel a little bit better.
We do not need to do that. Know that you are beautiful, lumps, bumps and flaws. There is someone in this world that thinks you are beautiful and you should join that belief.
So I ask woman around the world, stop!!! Let us build each other up, not tear each other apart.
We are all beautiful, special and unique in all of our own individual ways. Be proud of who you are, and what you look like.